


when my baby found me

by dont_you_cry



Series: held on when you pulled away [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), clint wants bucky to know he has choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 12:38:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19376875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dont_you_cry/pseuds/dont_you_cry
Summary: “I had this dream. It was me an’ you an’ Steve. Nat was there, probably the rest of your team too. And I just felt this sense of peace. It felt good. Like family.”“You know we can have that, right? If that’s what you want?”





	when my baby found me

**Author's Note:**

> so, maggie rogers and hozier performed "work song" together in cork last night and i immediately needed to write something. i've always wanted to base a fic off that song; there are so many lines that strike me in different ways and this is what i've come up with!
> 
> this is a continuation from the first piece in this series and is set a couple months after the end of the first. i'm being pretty hand-wavey with the overall timeline as the events of black panther happen days after civil war and i'm choosing to push them a few months out for the sake of bucky and clint staying in wakanda.
> 
> with that out of the way i hope you enjoy some winterhawk content!

Bucky wakes with his face pressed against Clint’s back, his right arm wrapped loosely across Clint’s chest. He blinks slowly, judging the time by the amount of light streaming through the windows. He used to always wake before the sun was even up--barely managing three hours sleep on a good night--but lately, he’s been getting at least five. He never lets himself linger in bed, eager to chase the worst of his memories away as quick as possible.

Last night was different, though. Last night he’d only had good dreams that left him with a sense of peace and a slight hint of longing.

“Mornin’,” Clint mumbles. “Didn’t think I’d ever wake up before you.”

Bucky chuckles and presses a kiss to Clint’s back. “Never thought you would either. You’re just as bad as Steve was back when we were kids.”

Clint hums in response. “So me and Captain America got somethin’ in common. Doesn’t sound so bad to me.”

Bucky snorts and rolls onto his back, Clint following. Clint rests his head in his hand, reaching over to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair. It’s still long and he usually pulls it back into the low bun he’s perfected one-handed on the days Shuri doesn’t come around to mess with it. Clint loves it down best though, loves the little sighs Bucky lets out when he runs his fingers across his scalp.

Bucky’s eyes close and he gives one of those sighs, mouth lifting in a smile. “Feels good.”

Clint grins. He wishes he’d seen sleepy morning Bucky in action much sooner. Bucky never seemed this relaxed, even on one of his really good days. Clint selfishly wished every moment could be like this.

Clint presses a soft kiss to Bucky’s forehead before resting his head against Bucky’s neck. “What’s got you so happy?” he asks quietly, not wanting to ruin the moment.

“You,” Bucky replies, just as softly.

Clint smiles wide and trails a line of kisses from Bucky’s neck and along his jaw before finally meeting his lips for a tender kiss. He pulls back and waits for Bucky’s eyes to open before speaking.

“Me?” he asks, wanting to hear it again.

Bucky’s eyes crinkle at the corners as he grins. It’s one of the things Clint loves about Bucky. They haven’t used the word out loud, but Clint knows what his feelings are. The feelings that settled in his bones, in the very core of his being over the past three months, were one of the few things in life he was certain of. The only other person he’d felt anything similar towards was Nat and that was all the confirmation he’d needed.

“Yes,” Bucky responds. “You.”

“I had this dream. It was me an’ you an’ Steve. Nat was there, probably the rest of your team too. And I just felt this sense of peace. It felt good. Like family.” His voice gets rough. “And I woke up and you were here and I’m happy.”

Clint kisses Bucky again, mouths sliding together. He keeps it slow though, wanting to address something he heard in Bucky’s tone.

“You know we can have that, right? If that’s what you want?” he asks. He moves to sit-up against the headboard, knowing Bucky doesn’t like feeling crowded during serious conversations. Bucky sits up as well, knowing Clint will only continue the conversation if Bucky makes an effort to make eye contact.

Clint gets the familiar prickly sensation across his skin whenever he’s nervous but is set on Bucky understanding. He needs Bucky to know going back to the Tower to be with Steve and the others is something they can do if they want. Steve and Tony had come to some sort of agreement with Ross on the Accords that Clint didn’t care to know all the details of, but it ended in the Avengers fugitive status being lifted.

He reminds Bucky of this. “Or if you wanna do something else we can do that too,” he adds. “But if spending time with Steve is something that would make you happy then we can make that happen. All you gotta do is ask.”

Bucky’s eyes have gone a little wild as Clint talked. Clint knows that Bucky will relax once he’s figured out how to voice the stream of thoughts running through his mind so he waits quietly.

Bucky runs a hand through his hair and pulls at the ends slightly, the only nervous habit Clint has ever seen from him.

“I didn’t have a plan when Steve finally found me. After Zemo triggered me all I wanted was someone to undo it so I’d never go through that again. I didn’t think of an after. I,” he stops. “I haven’t been allowed to make my own plans for over 70 years, I don’t know where to start!”

Clint wants to offer some sort of comfort, but he’s not sure it would be welcome at the moment. He sits helplessly watching Bucky tense as if preparing for a fight before releasing the tension with a huff of breath.

“I chose not to have the arm and I chose this with you,” he whispers. “Can’t that be enough?”

Clint can feel the tears well up in his eyes and doesn’t bother to wipe them away before they fall.

“Of course that’s enough Buck,” he responds in a hoarse voice. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want. I don’t _want_ you to do anything you don’t want.”

He pauses. “All I’m saying is, it’s okay to want more, alright? You don’t ever gotta feel that you’re asking for too much or that you don’t deserve something. Because it’ll never be too much and you deserve more than I could ever offer.”

“I’m not Steve though,” Clint continues. “I can’t come up with a big plan and convince you it’s the best thing for you to do. I don’t know how to pretend like that. What I can do is talk through our options and tell you what I’d like to do. Then you can tell me what you want--even if it’s different from what I want--and we can go from there.”

Clint feels proud of himself as he finishes his speech. He didn’t try to hide his desires behind a joke; Nat would be happy.

Bucky leans over and carefully cups Clint’s jaw in his hand. He runs a thumb under Clint’s eye, catching a stray tear before pulling him into a crushing hug.

“Sometimes I swear I thought I dreamed you,” Bucky whispers. He clings to Clint as if he was about to be taken at any moment.

“I don’t deserve this I don’t deserve you,” he tries to start before Clint cuts him off.

“Listen, your feelings are valid, but I need you to hear this, okay? We can’t keep talking about what we do or don’t deserve. We’d be at it for the rest of our lives and that’s no way to go on, alright?”

It was a line of thinking he and Natasha had to come to terms with over the years and one she’d had to constantly remind him of after New York.

Bucky interrupts. “But you just said I deserve more than you could ever offer. What’s that supposed to mean?”

Clint shrugs in response. “It’s not something that changes overnight. You gotta work on it. We gotta work on it. It helps to have someone remind you.” He lifts the right side of his lips up in a small smile. “At least that’s what the therapists said. I kinda bit that part off right from them.” He shrugs.

Bucky tries to smile back, but it’s strained. “I just don’t understand. Why you would be willing to do all this for me.”

“What’s 'all this' mean? Loving you?” he asks. “That’s all I’m doing is loving you, Bucky.”

And now he’s said it. Edging on slight desperation and frustration, Clint let the words slip out not knowing how else to get Bucky to understand. He feels no regrets for saying it.

Bucky reaches back out to Clint, catching his hand and running his thumb across Clint’s knuckles before bringing it to his lips.

“Say it again,” he breathes. “Please.”

Clint turns his hand to lift Bucky’s chin and stares into the man’s blue-gray eyes.

“I love you,” he says. “I love you if you’re Bucky, if you’re James, if you’re the goddamn Winter Soldier, alright?”

The words are as easy as they’re true. Now that Clint has said them he never wants to stop, but Bucky breaks out into another one of his eye-crinkling smiles and Clint is unable to do anything but stare.

“I don’t know exactly what I want just yet,” Bucky begins. “But I know I love you too and we’ll figure it out from there, right?”

“Right,” Clint replies, his smile matching Bucky’s. “I have you and you have me and we’ll do this together.”

**Author's Note:**

> obviously, the title (and a few lines in the fic) are from work song by hozier. if for some reason you've never heard it before please please go give it a listen.
> 
> as always thanks so much for reading :)
> 
> ps. if i write anything more with this version of winterhawk i promise to clear up the timeline/events. just wanted to get this idea out quickly :)


End file.
